Kendall Jenner may be the highest paid model in the world, but the 21-year-old fashion superstar was noticeably absent from the fall/winter 2018 fashion month runways in February. Now Jenner, who has been very open about her battle with anxiety and fear of flying on her family’s hit reality show Keeping up with the Kardashians, is revealing why she took a step back from the catwalk circuit in a candid new interview with Vogue.
The model only attended a handful events during New York Fashion Week this season, including an Adidas presentation. (She’s an ambassador for the brand.) Once a mainstay on runways including Chanel, Balmain and Givenchy, Jenner made the conscious decision to skip the entire European fashion show calendar.
“I made it a point at the beginning of 2017 to consciously slow down, take more time for myself, be more selective and not just do whatever my agents tell me to do,” she tells Jonathan Van Meter in Vogue’s April 2018 cover story.
Jenner’s need for more down time led her back to her childhood passion: riding horses. She’s been spending her time at Huntover, a barn in Bell Canyon, California, where she keeps her horses Belle and Dylan.
“I did this my whole life — it was my life. I didn’t care for anything else, I didn’t care about boys. This is what makes me really happy,” she says of bonding with her horses at the barn, adding that she wants to start competing again. “I had a lot of people in the industry say to me, ‘I know you have a busy schedule—what do you do to stay calm, cool, and collected?’ I was like, ‘Um, nothing?’ And then one day, when I was having a freak-out—I was having multiple freak-outs—I was like, OK, I’m going to try this. So I found this lady, she’s awesome, she taught me TM [transcendental meditation], and I love it.”
Riding along with transcendental meditation has been therapeutic for Jenner, who was hospitalized last month for complications from a vitamin IV drip she had before hitting the red carpet at the Vanity Fair Oscars party. TM has also helped the star deal with her crippling anxiety and ignoring the Internet rumor mill.
One rumor she does address in the honest Vogue interview is questions about her sexuality.
“I think it’s because I’m not like all my other sisters, who are like, ‘Here’s me and my boyfriend!’ So it was a thing for a minute because no one ever saw me with a guy,” Jenner says. “I would always go that extra mile to be low-key with guys, sneaking around all the time. You don’t want to, like, look crazy.”
She adds: “I don’t think I have a bisexual or gay bone in my body, but I don’t know! Who knows?! I’m all down for experience—not against it whatsoever—but I’ve never been there before.”
The star does identify with a “male energy.”
“But I don’t want to say that wrong, because I’m not transgender or anything. But I have a tough energy. I move differently. But to answer your question: I’m not gay. I have literally nothing to hide.”
Retreating from the spotlight has allowed Jenner to spend more time with her family, including youngest sister and new mom Kylie Jenner. And Aunt Kendall can’t get enough of one-month-old Stormi Webster.
“It’s not that it’s more exciting than any other births in the family—it’s different exciting, because she’s my baby sister who I grew up with,” she says of watching Kylie become a mom. “We all grew up in twos: Kourtney and Kim grew up together; Rob and Khloé; Brandon and Brody; Burton and Casey, and then Kylie and I. So to see my best friend growing up have a baby? It’s already made us even closer.”