It’s Monday. That means if you haven’t been watching Beyoncé‘s “Formation” music video and her Super Bowl 50 performance back-to-back ad infinitum since Saturday, you aren’t doing it right. Because when one of the biggest pop stars in the world drops a new track and accompanies it with a video composed of this level of visual splendor, you can’t simply watch it through once and be done. You must watch, analyze, discuss, and repeat.
Beyonce Formation Dirty
Luckily for those who are too busy having a job, or children, or you know, a life, to devote the appropriate amount of time to this video’s consumption, we’ve taken on a little of the analyzing legwork on your behalf and dissected this cinematic treat into delectable bite-size morsels. For your viewing pleasure, we’ve compiled a full breakdown by the numbers of every single thing you could possibly ever need or want to know about the latest game-changing music video from the reigning queen of pop.
Infinite Meme-able Moments
As impossible as it may seem, if there’s one thing Beyoncé is even better at doing than singing and dancing, it’s accidentally creating the most meme-able moments of the year, nay, the decade. If last year’s permanently trending #iwokeuplikethis and surfbort were any indication, expect Red Lobster to become the most popular post-coital retreat of 2016 and hot sauce sales to go through the roof.
16 Natural-Haired Backup Dancers
The only thing better than Bey performing a dance breakdown in a dimly-lit empty pool? The diva performing a dance breakdown in a dimly-lit empty pool surrounded by a fleet of custom Gucci-clad backup dancers who then transformed into a troop of soldiers in Beyoncé’s all-lady feminist army at the Super Bowl. All we know is, these girls could leave T.Swift’s squad shaking in their boots.
9 Iconic Outfit Changes
Seriously, each and every look in this video is completely deserving of an in-depth head-to-toe analysis unto itself. When Queen B sets her style phasers to slay, you better believe she’s going in for the kill.
8 Hair Changes
Likewise on the Bey beauty front. Almost every look in the video gets its own hairstyle, one more awesome than the next. Beyoncé has drawn criticism over her choice to wear straight, blonde weaves, but in “Formation” the singer proves she can rock absolutely any style and still stay true to herself and her roots, giving further resonance to #BlackGirlMagic.
Beyoncé’s hairstylist Kim Kimble tells People Style that every head-turning hair look, which they collaborated on “for about a month” prior to shooting the video, is about texture. “The styles are like Louisiana culture: pretty mixed and from all different backgrounds.”
5 Pieces of Dylanlex jewelry Totaling $3,400
Of course, while one of these statement necklaces would stand between us and making rent for the month, the Queen piles on the jewels for a total of $3,400 worth of Dylanlex bling all while making Ryan Murphy realize he made a terrible mistake not casting her in American Horror Story: Coven. (But really that’s nothing compared to the almost $100,000 worth of Yeprem jewelry she wears while riding in that car.)
Related Video: Ali Larter: ‘One Thing You May Not Know About Beyoncé’
4 Times Her Body Completely Defied Gravity
If this bra-less, jiggly jumpsuit moment wasn’t enough to convince you that Beyoncé is no mere mortal, how about that time she hung upside down out a car window rocking four-foot braids without the slightest trace of fear they’d be caught beneath the tires? Or when she wore that corset and her body created a shape that appears to actually break the laws of physics? And no person should be able to move their head up and down with as much speed and precision as she does in the all-black-clad mistress of the house moment. For all of you who just tried to do so and immediately pulled a neck muscle, we apologize, and join the club.
3 Gucci-Adjacent Outfits
Aside from the two looks from Gucci’s Spring 2016 collection (the sheer, pastel ruffled number and red script dress she wears atop the police car), Bey and her girl gang of backup dancers also wear a collection of custom vintage Gucci-inspired logo bodysuits that the fashion house needs to start producing en masse, like yesterday.
2 Middle Fingers
Cuz “Y’all haters corny with that illuminati mess.” But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have your nails did. Bey’s manicurist Lisa Logan tells People Style she topped OPI’s Love is in My Cards with a matte coat to create “a little pop of color that would complement her red lip.”
1 Scene-Stealing Appearance by Blue Ivy
Cue the chorus of awws because Blue’s clearly already inherited mom’s “fly and [her] cocky fresh.”
0 F*cks Given
Need we say more?
–Emily Kirkpatrick, with reporting by Jackie Fields