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We Went to the Hottest Dog Wedding of the Year — and Ended Up on an Episode of Real Housewives

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On Wednesday January 13, 2016, two lives came together as one in a stunning wedding ceremony at the High Line Hotel in N.Y.C.

Toast, the bride, and Finn, the groom, may be dogs, but that doesn’t make their story any less romantic. The newlyweds had both achieved celeb-status (and met each other) through their adorable Instagrams, which share their stories of being rescued from abusive puppy mills. Toast, the blushing bride, had lost all her teeth from the traumatizing experience.

I headed to the event not sure what to expect; I had never heard of a dog wedding, let alone been to one. But it sounded like the dream: Snacks? Cocktails? Dancing? Puppies? Romance? I could go on but those five bullets were compelling enough for me to slip on a dress, do my make-up like it’s prom and splurge on a cab.

The High Line Hotel was gorgeous, and decorated exactly as you’d imagine it would be for a human wedding … but nicer. I walked through the wooden doors and admired the tall ceilings, broad staircase and the impeccably coiffed men who were handing me martinis. They were beautiful. Also beautiful? The guests. The fanciest of people were in attendance, making me feel very out of place in my bright purple cotton dress, on which sat an enormous cottage cheese stain.

My colleague and I walked with our drinks past the red carpet (you expect anything less from a celeb dog wedding?) and arrived at the elegant room where the ceremony would take place. The people to dog ratio was about 2 to 1, which is a near perfect ratio. (The perfect ratio? 100,000 dogs to 1 human.)

The doggie guests, much like their human handlers, were dressed to the nines, wearing spiffy little bow ties, tuxes, gowns, hats and jewelry. Laughs were had, butts were sniffed. Everyone was having a great time. Only flaw: No pre-ceremony snacks.

Courtesy Maria Yagoda

We settled in our seats, quite close to a group of Real Housewives of New York, who were filming for the next season. I lurked behind Dorinda Medley, Sonja Morgan, Ramona Singer and Carole Radziwill, inching close enough to pretend I was part of their inner circle. It was thrilling.

When the procession began, so did my crying. Finn, the groom, looked as dapper as ever in his lil’ top hat. A series of Insta-famous girl dogs that made up the bridal party were walekd down the aisle. They looked fancy as hell, and part of my tears came from the realization that I would never, ever look that good … or have enough money to buy just one of the pieces the animals were wearing.

Courtesy Maria Yagoda

Simon Doonan carrying Toast down the aisle was a slow-motion moment; magical, everything became still except for the gorgeous bride, who wore a custom Marchesa gown. I teared up, and then blacked out the rest of the ceremony. Finn and Toast looked exquisite together. 

Courtesy Maria Yagoda

I danced the rest of the night, taking quick breaks to cuddle dogs and chug rosé. It occurred to me that all weddings should be dog weddings. I got to catch up with Chloe the Mini Frenchie, an old friend, and meet several new dogs, including Ella Bean, a total charmer and gifted conversationalist. 

Courtesy Maria Yagoda

Cake time couldn’t come soon enough. We headed over to the massive wedding cake and housewife Ramona was there to serve me, with the cameras rolling. I asked her if there were plates, and she said she was going to put it on my hand. She did. I ate the cake off my palm and spent the rest of the night dancing and trolling the beautiful men with hors d’oeuvres.