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WATCH: Fugitive Weiner Goes Rogue, Dog Steals Show at Baseball Game

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So El Paso, Texas, has a baseball team called the Chihuahuas, and they have an event where dachshunds race to compete for the title of El Paso’s Fastest Weiner. (It’s high-concept stuff.)

One of the weiners, though, perhaps anticipating that the race was nothing but a death trap, a suicide rap, took off around the field at a dead sprint, chrome-wheeled, fuel-injected, and stepping out over every line he possibly could. 

“Wendy,” he seemed to be saying, “Let me in. I wanna be your friend. I want to guard your dreams and visions. Will you walk with me out on the wire? ‘Cause baby, I’m just a scared and lonely rider.”

The little guy evades a number of players and field personnel, before eventually getting tired and laying down. The field, jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive, applauds.