Alison Schwartz
December 16, 2014 01:25 PM

We have a bit of a reputation for shedding a tear or two (or more) when we’re reading about pets looking for forever homes.

But there’s no need to break out your tissues for this Humane Society Silicon Valley ad.

Meet Eddie the Terrible.

Instead of attempting to convince you to adopt this little ball of fur, the brutally yet playfully honest blog post outlines the reasons you don’t want to call Eddie the Terrible yours.

The ad begins:

We know, we know. He is adorable. All small and yellow and fluffy. A little bit tubby, which makes him seem softer somehow, like a dog you can trust with your secrets. Don’t be fooled. Yes, he is a great listener. But inside that innocuous adorable blond package exists tons – indeed, whole square miles – of naughty.

The first reason you don’t want him: Eddie doesn’t play well with other dogs.

While Eddie the Terrible has never actually attacked another dog, he’s made it abundantly clear that he hasn’t ruled out the possibility. He goes from zero to Cujo in .05 seconds when he sees another dog on a leash.

The real talk continues with Eddie’s distaste for kids and some adults.

We’re in Silicon Valley – if we started throwing out the socially awkward, no one would ever have another piece of new technology again. We know somewhere out [there] this little guy has a match.

The final reason outlined in the post? The Chihuahua-mix is not so into his crate.

While Eddie is crate-trained, he has a weird thing about sleeping in the crate. And by weird thing we mean, ‘Nope, not happening.’ A bed in your room? Awesome. In the bed with you? Better. In a crate? Let him sing you the song of his people.

This is tough love, after all: Eddie needs a home.

Let’s face it: Unless you’re looking for a dog that’s a little bit of work, Eddie the Terrible is not the dog for you. We know, we know. He’s super loyal, easy in the house and a lot of fun, but he’s a little rough around the edges. Actually, he’s kind of a jerk. But he’s a jerk we believe in. We’re not expecting you to want to meet him but if you must, we really can’t deter you.

So you want to take home Eddie (hey, we can’t resist a bad boy, either)? You can inquire by calling 1-408-262-2133 ext. 150.

But don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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