With all that fame, you’d expect men to be beating down the 38-year-old star’s door.
“Um, not at all!” a single Haddish tells PEOPLE, laughing. “The man gonna come. One day, he’ll be there. But he sure ain’t now!”
That doesn’t mean that guys aren’t trying. Haddish breaks down the scenarios she keeps finding herself in:
“You know what’s crazy? On the social media aspect, all these guys are like, ‘I want to marry Tiffany Haddish. In my head, Tiffany Haddish is my wife.’ But none of them are making any moves,” she says.
“I feel like guys, they hit on me but they don’t ask me out. They don’t ask for my number,” Haddish continues. “And then the ones that do? Those are trolls. I call them boogawolfs. You can see a boogawolf a mile away and you know it’s going to be a problem right there. He’s going to be sticky and all up in your grill and just howling about everything and you can’t get rid of him — like when you trying to flick a booger away but it’s just stuck to you? Boogawolf. I’m not messing with that.”
She adds: “And then there are these series of ex-boyfriends that come up out the woodwork that try to get with me, that I’m just not having. I’m not feeling none of that.”
So what kind of a man is Haddish looking for?
“I’m looking for confidence, a good sense of humor, and responsible,” she says. “Like, he’s got to have a good credit score. That’s super important because that’s you’re grown up report card, your credit score.”
It’s not just credit Haddish needs. She says she’s looking for a working man. “He’s got to have his own career going,” she stresses. “I cannot be the center of his universe. I can be a major part of the universe but I cannot be the center of the universe.”
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As for kids, Haddish — who was a step-mom while she was with her ex-husband — says she’s ideally looking for a man without a family of his own.
“I did that before. I don’t want to do that again,” she explains. “It’s all situational, it depends on the situation. But that’s not really something I’m looking for. I’m not really open to that.”
“Now if somebody comes along and he’s amazing, the kids are amazing, then maybe. But from my experience, it’s usually the kids are really amazing and then I end up liking the kid more than I like them,” she jokes. “I’m like, ‘I’m here for the kid! I want the kid to be a great human because they still have a chance and you’re still an a——.’ And I just end up protecting the kid.”
There you go, guys. Your move.