When Chrissy Teigen opened up about her battle with postpartum depression and anxiety, the model explained how the condition took a toll on her mentally and physically, and in her work life. One of the projects that had to take a backseat to her health was her second cookbook.
“Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my shoulders—even my wrists—hurt,” she wrote in a powerful essay for Glamour‘s April cover story. “I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me.”
Teigen’s first cookbook, Cravings, was met with wild success, so fans couldn’t wait to see what she would cook up next. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue star seemed excited to take polls from her Twitter followers for inspiration, even telling PEOPLE in November she was “unintentionally cooking lighter” for her next book—while really she was fighting to stay engaged.
“With the first, I was in the kitchen the whole time. I stirred every pot, tasted everything. Had genuine excitement for Every. Single. Recipe,” she said. “This one came at the height of my losing my appetite, and the idea of having to test and taste recipes actually made me vomit.”
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Ultimately, Teigen received overwhelming support when she decided to put things on hold.
“I had to postpone my second cookbook, but my editor, Francis Lam, and publisher couldn’t have been more understanding. To go from discussing layouts and recipes and shoot days to a complete ‘off’ switch was, I’m sure, not a great thing to hear. But, again, I cannot overstate how lucky I am to work with these people.”
Since receiving her diagnosis, getting help and speaking out about PPD, Teigen says she has “really good days and bad days,” though, “all of the really bad days—the days that used to be all my days—are gone.”