In the wake of Joey Feek‘s death, the country singer’s husband Rory is sharing his personal struggle to live without her.
“It’s hard to believe that it’s been a month already since Joey left this world and made her journey to the next,” writes Rory, 50, in a post to his blog This Life I Live Monday. “In some ways it feels like only yesterday, and in others … it feels like forever.”
Rory says he and daughter Indiana, 2, are surrounded by “a lot of good people” who check in on them at their farm in Pottsville, Tennessee.
“I usually try to smile and say, ‘I’m doing okay.’ And I am … okay,” he explains. “I feel so many emotions all at the same time. Blessed. Lost. Proud. Scared. Encouraged. Tired. Thankful.”
Still, “It’s hard to be in this old house without Joey, but I know she wants us here,” he shares. “And I know it’s where we need to be.”
“I moved our bed to a different part of the room, against a different wall … because I needed it to be different,” he pens. “I sleep on her side of the bed now. I can’t sleep on mine. And when people come to dinner and they sit in Joey’s chair, I want to tell them not to sit there, but I don’t. But I want to.”
At this point, Rory is trying to remind himself that he will adjust to his new reality.
“I miss my wife … I miss my best friend,” he writes. “I miss her voice and her laugh and her eyes and her smile. It’s still hard for me to imagine that she’s not here, and she’s not ever coming back. But I know that time will make it easier. Because that’s what time does. It heals what is broken. There will still be scars, but I know there will come a day when I won’t miss her this much, when I won’t wonder where she is … and what she is doing right now in heaven.”
In addition to taking little Indiana to therapy sessions at a center that helps children with Down syndrome – Indy is “loving her new school,” says Rory – the musician has made a point of visiting his late wife’s grave every day.
“I make the walk out to the cemetery behind the house every day and stand over the loose dirt and I talk to her. Like Forrest Gump talked to Jenny under the big tree that they played in as children. Forrest loved Jenny like I love Joey. Simply. Deeply.”
As Rory explains, Tom Hanks’ iconic character in the Oscar-winning 1994 movie has had a big impact on his life.
“We all need people to look up to … people who can inspire us to be better people,” he says. “And since I didn’t have a grandfather or father or anyone else to watch and listen to for some of those things … Forrest taught me. Yes, I know he’s not real, but in another way, he is as real as anyone I’ve ever known.”
Now, Rory can fully understand Gump’s heartbreak.
“And so God sent me my own Jenny. And we got married and it was beautiful, just like the movie,” shares Rory. “But then Jenny got sick. And Forrest didn’t understand why. And Jenny helped him through it as he stayed by her bedside. And the Jenny left him little Forrest so he wouldn’t have to be alone. And he stood alone beside a stone beneath a tree and he talked to Jenny. And he told her all about little Forrest and his school and how smart he is and how she would be so proud of him.”
Rory continues: “And then the movie ended so I don’t know what happened after that. But I believe that Forrest was okay. And though his love for Jenny never faded, the pain of losing her lessoned. In Time. All in God’s time.”