With Valentine’s Day quickly creeping up on us all, now is the perfect time to start thinking about all the ways romantic interactions can go horribly wrong and to plan your strategy for ending them as quickly as possible.
Luckily, the Twitter hive mind is making sure we’re not alone in our Runaway Bride-light antics. With #HowToEscapeADate, the always-reliable tweeting masses are giving us some fantastic tips for self-rescue that we really wish had been there when that dude kept high-fiving us over dinner.
No matter what he's talking about, bring the conversation back to your cat.
"I love to travel."
"My cat's an explorer."
— McKenzie (@SilverCricket9) February 13, 2017
If they're wearing Crocs, run in a zig zag formation to out manoeuvre them.#HowToEscapeADate
— Cake My Day (@SpotTheMisteak) February 13, 2017
#HowToEscapeADate chew with your mouth wide open while saying "Seafood" "Get it?" "See-Food" "Cuz you can seeeeee it" ✌🐟
— AMY SCH❤EN (@SCHOENAMYYY) February 13, 2017
— Samson Auble (@SamAuble) February 13, 2017
— Giselle Evans (@GiselleEvns) February 13, 2017
#HowToEscapeADate check the news on your phone and don't hold back the violent sobbing
— @midnight (@midnight) February 13, 2017
"You look so much like my brother." #HowToEscapeADate
— Angelina Colombo (@mspeachc) February 13, 2017
Live tweet the whole date #HowToEscapeADate
— Dana Gold (@DanaGeezus) February 13, 2017
— 💫DWood (@thelastDWood) February 13, 2017
Talk to her breasts #HowToEscapeADate
— Jimish (@jimishbathia) February 13, 2017
Tell her she can only order from the kids menu. #HowToEscapeADate
— Mr GT (@kycss91) February 13, 2017
— Jaden Collins ☆♡☆♡☆ (@TheOwgod1234) February 13, 2017
Keep referring to the Lizard People #HowToEscapeADate
— Brian Wollet 🐸 (@BrianWollet) February 13, 2017
#HowToEscapeADate speak in the third person. Be sure to use a sprinkling of yolo's, cash me ousside's, and a smattering of lil' John yeahs.
— Steve Mistretta (@RevenantDeadNJ) February 13, 2017
#HowToEscapeADate show your date pictures of the engagement ring you want and start talking about wedding invitations
— Kylee Crumbly (@kbkcrum) February 13, 2017
Be an adult and call your mom to come pick you up#HowToEscapeADate
— Socially Unacceptabl (@IKnowledge1545) February 13, 2017
— DanLee (@morejordans) February 13, 2017
#HowToEscapeADate ask your date if she likes the outfit that your mom picked for you
— Mark Mahar (@jiggy22jiggy) February 13, 2017
Tell her your ex could take you back at any point so she'll have to take the bill if you run off suddenly #HowToEscapeADate
— Juán Carlos (@JunCarl38841121) February 13, 2017
— zʃ∩ᴚ pIOᴚpᴎ∀ ǝɥʇ (@TheeAndroidRulz) February 13, 2017
Yodelling the menu is a good start #HowToEscapeADate
— Helen (@ItsHelenT) February 13, 2017
#HowToEscapeADate *start shoving the breadsticks into ur purse*
— paige (zami)🍕 (@Zamiiiz) February 13, 2017
Just start itching. Uncontrollably.
— Ali Hillis (@missalihillis) February 13, 2017
Make a tiara from sardines. #HowToEscapeADate
— Auntie-Social Media (@BarbKrasicki) February 13, 2017
#HowToEscapeADate – a single long Dab all the way from table to door
— Josh Keaton (@joshkeaton) February 13, 2017
We’d also like to take this time to remind you that you’ll almost never need a reason to escape your bed, very few people accuse Netflix of being overly pushy, and roughly zero percent of awkward silences are the result of deciding to just order takeout for yourself.