Saying that she hopes to sit down with her estranged husband Charlie Shanian and “talk about all this in detail,” Tori Spelling admits to PEOPLE in its new issue: “I went into the marriage with the best intentions, hopes and dreams. I feel that I’ve really disappointed people. I’ve disappointed everyone who came to my wedding. I’m disappointed in myself.”
She adds: “I don’t know exactly what happened and when things started to go wrong.”
Since early August, the former Beverly Hills, 90210 star, 32, has been living apart from Shanian, 36, a writer-actor she met in Los Angeles in 2002, when she starred in the play he co-wrote (Maybe Baby, It’s You). The pair married at a $1-million wedding in July of last year.
In a conversation with PEOPLE on Sept. 16, the actress expressed uncertainty and sorrow as she talked about a day she hoped would never come. For his part, Shanian declined to comment about the breakup. But according to a source close to Spelling, by the beginning of August, when she was in Ottawa to film the TV movie Mind over Murder, she and Shanian were “living separate lives.”
Away on the set for three weeks, “She realized the relationship was not right for her,” says her friend. She also realized something else: She was developing feelings for costar Dean McDermott.
The actor, 38, who according to a source was also in a “marriage that was not working,” was equally drawn to Spelling, and the two became romantically involved. “It just happened,” says Spelling’s friend. “No one meant any harm to anyone. You can’t help who you fall in love with and who you’re right with.”
Still, her friends insist, the romance between Spelling and McDermott – who filed for divorce on Sept. 9 from his wife of 12 years, Mary Jo Eustace – had nothing to do with Spelling’s breakup. “The marriage was over a long time ago,” says a friend of hers. “They never should have married in the first place.”
So why did they? “My whole life I was with men that I loved way more than they loved me,” Spelling said last year
Among the details they have to discuss, Spelling tells PEOPLE, is who will live where. For now, her possessions remain in the L.A. apartment they shared. “It’s not easy to make decisions like this,” she says, “and it takes time to know what you are going to do.”