Step aside, Apartments.com.
The geniuses over at Halstead Property – particularly broker and video star Brian Lewis – realized that an online listing could never truly capture the beauty of New York City’s 45 Christopher Street, 7G. So instead, they were attempting to sell this (prime West Village) property with the most inventive video advertisement the real estate world has ever seen.
The three-minute spot features Lewis casually lounging – at one point, in just his socks – around a spacious apartment.
The ad captures the suspense of The Shining coupled with the sensuality of Fifty Shades of Grey, both of which are only heightened by the Enya-esque soundtrack playing the background.
But that’s not all: Throughout the clip, viewers will feast their eyes upon a hand stroking the side of a couch, a man talking to his reflection in the mirror and the eating of a mint in slow-motion.
This video isn’t just about the sights – narrator Lewis makes good use of the time he’s given. He lists off all the synonyms of foyer, and the pros of a condo over a co-op (with a condo, you have freedom).
“Liberty. No bars. Peace of mind. Let the eagle soar,” he says.
We’re not entirely sure what that means, but hey, it sounds nice, right?!
He’s quick to boast about the condo’s many attributes, as well.
“There’s a windowed kitchen, and I think that’s pretty great, too,” he says.
IRL, Lewis has been making these hilarious vids to move his properties for more than a decade. And this one is all about poking fun at those take-themselves-too-seriously ads we see everyday.
“I had just seen a smug, proud-of-itself marketing video, that made me laugh for all the wrong reasons,” Lewis tells PEOPLE. “So I thought ‘Let’s just punk it.'”
Without spoiling anything, we’ll just say that the spot ends even better than it begins – in top-notch movie-trailer style, of course.
The condo, sadly, is already in contract, but this won’t be the last we hear from the folks over at Halstead Property – awards season, anyone?