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ZAYN MALIK: ENGLISH PROFESSOR
Average Salary: $72,470
Are you even surprised? Considering the former One Direction member is currently pursuing a solo music career, it should come as no surprise that Malik would have done become an English professor in an alternate reality.
"I think I'd be at university and I would have done my English degree. I think I'd be looking for some employment to do with English lecturing or literature," he told VMAN 38. "I love poetry and writing—obviously, I'm a songwriter—so, it would've been something that would still give me the feeling of a creative outlet within my writing."
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KENDALL JENNER: VETERINARIAN
Average Salary: $84,460 per year
She may have settled for being an international supermodel (tough life!), but Jenner had different career goals growing up that had nothing to do with fashion and high-profile designers – and everything to do with horses. "I've always loved animals," she says in the June/July 2016 issue of Harper's Bazaar. "I rode horses for 10 and a half years, so I thought I was going to be a professional horseback rider and then a vet. I used to play these vet video games."
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KIM KARDASHIAN WEST: FORENSIC INVESTIGATOR
Average Salary: $55,660 per year
It's hard to imagine a world where Kim Kardashian isn't one of the most recognizable people on the planet, but it turns out that in another life, the reality superstar would leave social media behind completely. "I would be a forensic investigator," she told Vogue Australia, when asked what she would do if she weren't famous, "and live a normal life."
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RASHIDA JONES: PARK RANGER
Average Salary: $35,229 per year
Though she has a lot of side gig ideas – including writing a novel and working for a non-governmental organization – Jones's ultimate dream job is perfectly fitting for the Parks and Recreation alum. "I kind of have a strange fantasy about being a park ranger," she revealed to Wired. "[And] just being amongst the animals." Someone call Leslie Knope!
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EVA LONGORIA: BUSINESSWOMAN
Average Salary: $13.8 million per year
She might have played a desperate housewife, but Longoria dreams of being a CEO. "I would definitely be in corporate America," she told PEOPLE. "I love quotas and budgets, and I like barometers of success. I like measurements of success. Tell me what to do, and I will exceed it."
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BRITNEY SPEARS: BRAD AND ANGELINA'S NANNY
Average Salary: $185,000 per year
She might be the Princess of Pop, but Spears would give up the bright lights of the stage in a heartbeat if it meant she could take care of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's kids. "I've met Brad Pitt once but I'd like to meet the [family] again, and I'd like to become their nanny," she told Good Morning Britain. The Jolie-Pitts really are the coolest kids in the world.
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SELENA GOMEZ: WAITRESS AT CRACKER BARREL
Average Salary: about $3.46 an hour
Gomez just has one requirement for her dream job: It must have easy access to biscuits. The singer/actress told Flaunt magazine in 2013 that if she didn't make it as a performer, she would simply be a waitress at Cracker Barrel – although she would, obviously, still indulge her musical side with plenty of karaoke.
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ANGELINA JOLIE: MORTICIAN
Average Salary: $61,460 per year
Despite being born into a theatrical family, Jolie had slightly darker aspirations as a child: She wanted to be an undertaker. "It sounds like this very strange, eccentric, dark thing to do but in fact I lost my grandfather and was very upset with his funeral," she revealed in an interview with 60 Minutes. "How somebody passes and how family deals with this passing and what death is should be addressed in a different way."
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MILEY CYRUS: WEDDING PLANNER
Average Salary: $44,260 per year
Nobody knows how to throw a party quite like Miley Cyrus, so it's not much of a surprise that when she was growing up she dreamed of being a wedding planner. If she ever did open an event-planning business on the side, we imagine everyone would be lining up for an outrageous, Cyrus-planned party – especially all the twerking furries.
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Average Salary: $44,819 per year
Though she admitted that she "can't imagine" doing anything else with her life other than performing, Zendaya did admit to PEOPLE that she would turn to her parents for alternate career inspiration. "I would be involved with something that has to do with teaching because both my parents are teachers," she revealed, before adding "It's very, very hard, but I think I can do it."
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GERARD BUTLER: FOREST RANGER
Average Salary: $57,420 per year
The handsome Scotsman may be best known for playing rugged tough guys, and if he had it his way, life would imitate art: Butler says he would like to be a forest ranger. "I love being in the hills and the forests. I often think when I'm home, 'Wow, how cool would it be to have a job that requires me to be there all the time and be away from it all?'" he told InStyle in a 2014 interview.
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SHAILENE WOODLEY: HERBALIST
Average Salary: $43,920 per year
Ever the free spirit, Shailene Woodley plans to embrace her natural side if she ever decides to give up acting. "I would probably be an herbalist, or maybe I would open a fruit stand on a Hawaiian island," the Fault in Our Stars actress told Marie Claire back in 2013.
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LUCY HALE: STYLIST
Average Salary: $50,346 per year
If you've ever gotten major style envy from Lucy Hale, there's a very good reason. The Pretty Little Liars star told PEOPLE that if she weren't acting, she'd be making good use of her passion for fashion: "I would love to be a wardrobe stylist. I think that would be really fun. I love clothes. I love putting things together. Not even the wardrobe stylist, but the runner [for] the wardrobe stylist. Because they're the ones that shop."
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MEGAN FOX: ARCHAEOLOGIST
Average Salary: $59,280 per year
When she's not facing evil robots or teaming up with ninja turtles, Megan Fox is interested in getting her hands dirty. The actress revealed to MTV in 2012 that she wanted to be an archaeologist growing up – and that she's even planning to go on a few digs herself. "I have an offer to go somewhere in England, but I would rather go to Egypt or Syria or some place like that," she said at the time.
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JESSE MCCARTNEY: BASEBALL PLAYER
Average Salary: $4 million per year
Though the "Beautiful Soul" singer originally joked that he would be a "philosopher" if he weren't performing, Jesse McCartney admitted to PEOPLE that his childhood dream was actually very similar to most of ours: "Honestly, I've always had a dream of being a pro baseball player. I was never tall enough, fast enough, big enough. But if I could, that would be the next [job]." As for his dream position? "I'd probably take over for Mariano Rivera, closing pitcher [for the New York Yankees]."
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