Matthew Cole Weiss
January 24, 2015 05:10 PM

Years from now you will ask yourself, “Where was I the day that SkyMall went bankrupt?”

After a solid 25-year run, that airline catalog nuzzled in between the barf bag and chewed gum in your front seat pocket is no more. Xhibit Corp, the parent company behind SkyMall, filed for federal bankruptcy on Friday after making only $15.8 million in 2014, Money reported.

This is not just the end of a magazine – it marks the end of an era, an era of people asking themselves, “Who the hell buys this stuff?” Even though there’s a part of them that really wants to buy this stuff.

Even celebrities are shocked at the sudden loss. Chrissy Teigen mourned via Twitter, saying, “There is no SkyMall magazine on my flight this is happening so fast.” Singer k.d. lang Tweeted, “I honestly think #skymall is some of the best contemporary art out there.” But perhaps it’s ESPN’s Trey Wingo who put it best when he Tweeted, “I mean, who would’ve thought that a wall sized crossword puzzle wouldn’t sell?”

So, on this day of memoriam, we present our Ode to Skymall.

Oh, SkyMall
How the mighty doth fall
Now where shall we go
To find that ridiculous tray-top pillow?

Or the toilet seat that glows in the dark
The Christmas ornament of Noah’s ark
A remote-controlled balloon of a great white shark
A birdhouse that shocks a dog when it barks

No more Jewish star Christmas holders
Or for the garden, those useful fake boulders
And long gone is the NFL wine shoe stopper
A must-have for any intelligent shopper

Floating poker tables, iPhone cuff links, shirts dedicated to a man named Bob
Bigfoot sculptures, dragon earrings, or the Butter Boy to lather your corn on the cob

And what will happen to our pets?
No more fish hotels, dog poop vacuums or cat toilets
Or bird baths or one-of-a-kind pet portraits
Hot dog leashes or meerkat garden sets?

Who do we turn to for laser hair removal sticks?
Or one-of-a-kind shirts that impress the chicks
A $300 Harry Potter broomstick
Or that back massager that looks like a …

We shall miss you, SkyMall
For your products and your wit
But mostly, we’re saddened that we lost our chance
To buy that canine genealogy kit

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