But Moakler, 30, tells PEOPLE in its new issue that she’s a good mom to daughter Alabama, 9 months, son Landon, 2, and Atiana, 7, her daughter with boxer Oscar De La Hoya. “I’m very active in making sure my children are well-adjusted and balanced,” she says.
She also says she was never unfaithful to her husband. (Barker’s rep tells PEOPLE, “Travis stands by his previous interview. He continues to love Shanna and wants the best for their children.”) Here, she talks about what went wrong – and why things are looking up.
PEOPLE: How are you doing? Has the anger subsided?
MOAKLER: I’ve been better. I’ve had a rough year. I’m past anger. I’m sad, very disappointed, but I’m trying to stay positive for numerous reasons.
How are the divorce proceedings going?
The public will be very happy to know that we have a pre-nup! So I’m not stealing his money or gold digging. I have no problem sharing the children with him and I want that very much. I don’t see it getting ugly.
Take me through a day in your life as a mother.
Contrary to what you’ve read, it does not consist of me sleeping all day. My nanny usually leaves around 6 p.m. I take my kids I give them a bath, I put them to bed. Alabama gets up at midnight and she gets up at four in the morning, and Landon gets up to pee all the time in the middle of the night because he’s only two and a half. I never have a straight hour of sleep. When Travis was here, I would give him the babies at 6 a.m. Our nanny comes in at 8 a.m.
So what do you think went wrong in your marriage?
The problem with my marriage is that I never felt like an equal. When I fall in love, I think I sacrifice a great deal of myself and my personality and my work.
When did your relationship take a turn for the worse?
About six months ago it got really bad. I think what happened was that he was surrounded by a lot of really bad people. When you have a lot of people kissing your butt all day, and then you come home to the big negative all the time, after a while it takes its toll.
Travis said there were innate personality differences between the two of you.
We’re definitely two different people. Travis is a morning person; I’m a night person. Travis, believe it or not, is a bit more quiet and reserved. I’m more of an extrovert, a social butterfly. You tried therapy. Did that work at all for you?
I don’t feel like we tried therapy. I feel like we went to maybe one or two sessions and I don’t feel like 100 percent was given to that.
Did he ever question you about infidelity?
Well in the press he has, but to me he never did. I feel like all the things that he said were just excuses for abandoning his family. And I can say on the record that I was 100 percent faithful to that man. I was in love with him.
What have you learned from the situation?
God, it’s so hard. I wish I had that answer. My two past relationships have failed miserably and they’ve really been identical in the way that they began and ended. So I don’t know, I’m still in that confused state.
Would you ever date a celebrity again?
Yeah, I would. I’ll date anyone. I’d like to think that I will do it different next time, but I probably won’t because I’ll be in love and love is blind. For me right now, I don’t ever want to be in a relationship ever again.
Nick and Jessica and Carmen and Dave split after having reality shows about their relationships. Do you believe in the MTV curse?
I don’t believe in the curse. Nope. I don’t think the reality show had anything to do with the demise of our relationship.
You must not be turned off of reality TV, since you’re doing Dancing With the Stars.
I really feel like it was divine intervention, that God was like, ‘Okay babe. These doors are going to close, (so) I’m going to open some of these doors for you.’ It has really helped keep my mind off of things and really helped me be positive.