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"Last time you were here, we kissed a few times. I felt like we really hit it off. We had a few laughs together. It really seemed like we had some chemistry, and then the next thing I know, I hear you are engaged."
– Jimmy Kimmel, who enjoyed yet another lip-lock with groom-to-be Johnny Depp, on his late-night talk show
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"Last month, Colorado made $3.5 million in profit from marijuana. And, if you ask me, that number, just like everyone in Colorado, is super high."
– Ellen DeGeneres, trying her hand at a late-night monologue following speculation that she would take over the Late Show from David Letterman, on her daytime talk show
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"I'm thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth."
– Stephen Colbert, who will replace David Letterman as host of the Late Show, in a statement
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