1 of 10
"Can we please go back to normal? Because therapy is really expensive."
– Sandra Bullock, accepting the Generation Award
2 of 10
"It takes a lot of smoke and mirrors to make us look good kissing each other."
– Kristen Stewart, on making out with her best kiss co-winner Robert Pattinson
3 of 10
"I'm here to make the girls go crazy."
– A blow-dryer-armed Justin Bieber, on his ultimate purpose
4 of 10
"Snooki, you are missing your Bumpit!"
– Katy Perry, greeting MTV's newest red carpet correspondent
5 of 10
"Honey, don't ever wear that dress backwards."
– Betty White, giving Sandra Bullock fashion advice
6 of 10
"I knew that I probably needed some help on my image. I didn't want to end up being a loser like Jason Timberlake or somebody."
– Zach Galifianakis, on his decision to hire "swagger coach" Taavon (a.k.a. Aziz Ansari)
7 of 10
"Anytime you see a glowing red heart over a vagina, you know that Taavon is near."
– Aziz Ansari, as alter ego Taavon, referencing performer Christina Aguilera's crotch close-up
8 of 10
"I'm not going to curse with you because you're Mormon."
– Peter Facinelli, pausing to thank Twilight author Stephenie Meyer in his bleep-heavy acceptance speech for best movie
9 of 10
"Your filthy hair made you a star. Now, what kind of shampoo are you going to use?"
– Tom Cruise, as fictional producer – and hair bully – Les Grossman
– Robert Pattinson
10 of 10
"By the way, your boobs look phenomenal tonight."
– Snooki, complimenting roomie J-Woww on her red-carpet cleavage
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