Chuck Zlotnick/Focus Features/Everett
Alison Schwartz
February 15, 2015 01:45 PM

There’s a first time for everything, which is how I feel about sky-diving, getting bangs and talking about naked, whip-wielding Jamie Dornan with my mom and my grandmother.

That’s because when your mom calls to tell you that her mom has requested a trip to their local Wellington, Florida, movie theater on the evening of Feb. 14 to see Fifty Shades of Grey, you do what any sane PEOPLE editor would do: You demand they review it.

And so it began: On Valentine’s Day, a holiday dedicated to love, romance and expensive presents, Robin Joy Schwartz, 57, and Gloria Betty Litvin, 83, headed out with nothing but a little curiosity and an extra sweater (you know, “you could catch a cold in there”).

And because everyone should have the pleasure of discussing the birds and the bees with their family as an adult, we talked about the movie (some spoilers ahead), the nudity and – drum roll – the scene that brought tears to my mother’s eyes. (Wait, what?!)

So, Grandma, what’d you think?

Grandma: The movie showed a part of life that is a part of life. There’s all parts of life …

Wait, I’m going to stop you right there – you’re supposed to be shocked right now.

Grandma: Well, I really wasn’t shocked.

Wait, really?

Grandma: No, because everything goes in the movies nowadays. I’m 83. I kind of know what can go on in life. Editor’s note: Is this what happens when you live in Florida for 40 years?

Why’d you want to see it then?

Mom: Grandma was very curious. She knows a lot more than she wants to reveal.
Grandma: [affirming silence]

What’d you think about the nudity?

Grandma: Oy vey.
Mom: I was really glad they showed his and her a–.

WELL, OKAY MOM [insert safe word].

Mom: They both had a great a–, so …

Too much nudity?

Grandma: No.
Mom: Not really.

Well, okay then.

Mom: All the sex scenes just looked so controlling though. It made me claustrophobic. I didn’t even realize they had so many things, gadgets, gizmos. I just would never …

Nope. Next question: What’d you think about the plot?

Mom: I was immersed in it. It was actually very sad. I cried during the final scene.

Grandma, please confirm.

Grandma: I said to her, “You’re crying?!”
Mom: [Spoiler alert] At the end, when the tears were coming down Ana’s face, I noticed the tears were coming down mine. She felt his pain, but she couldn’t live with it. It made me cry.

Now I’m the shocked one.

Mom: We bonded at Fifty Shades.

Are you glad you saw it?

Mom: Yeah, now I can go to the grocery store and bump into someone and say, “Hey, I saw Fifty Shades the other night.”
Grandma: I learned some things for my next life.

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