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IF HE ACCIDENTALLY KICKS THE LOMBARDI TROPHY
The 33-year-old actress shared a story on Conan of the time her British ex-boyfriend came over to her parents' house and got to hold the Vince Lombardi trophy ... and then ended up dropping it, leaving a small dent. "And that was the end. We broke up, and that was it," Mara said. (Football is somewhat sacred in her family; her father’s side owns the New York Giants while her mother’s family owns the Pittsburgh Steelers.)
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IF HE BREAKS UP WITH YOU IN A '27 SECOND PHONE CALL'
In 2008, Swift finally addressed those rumors that her ex Joe Jonas had broken up with her over a short phone call. "It’s all right – I'm cool," the singer said on Ellen, having a surprisingly good attitude about it. "You know what, it's like, when I find that person that is right for me, he'll be wonderful. When I look at that person, I'm not even going to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 27 seconds when I was 18."
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IF HE TRIES TO DIVORCE YOU VIA TEXT
"He's a very smart man, and I was in love with him when I married him," Katy Perry told Vogue in an interview for its July 2016 issue, opening up her marriage to Russell Brand. "Let's just say I haven’t heard from him since he texted me saying he was divorcing me December 31, 2011." The pop star went on to imply that the comedian couldn't accept her as an equal, another dealbreaker. "At first when I met him he wanted an equal, and I think a lot of times strong men do want an equal, but then they get that equal and they’re like, I can’t handle the equalness," she said.
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IF YOU JUST GET THE SENSE IT'S 'THE WRONG SITUATION'
When Harris finally opened up about his June 2016 split from Taylor Swift, he cited a few reasons why the breakup felt inevitable. "For both of us it was the wrong situation," the Scottish deejay told British GQ of the end of their love story. "It clearly wasn't right, so it ended." Harris also cited the attention that surrounded their union and subsequent split: "It's very difficult when something I consider so personal plays out very publicly," he said. "The aftermath of the relationship was way more heavily publicized than the relationship itself."
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IF YOU MOVE IN TOGETHER TOO QUICKLY
Years later, Justin Bieber is doing some reflecting on his past relationships ... and why they had to end. "I learned a lot," he said of his on-again, off-again romance with Selena Gomez, which lasted three years. "I moved in with my girlfriend when I was 18. Started my own life with her. It was a marriage kind of thing. Living with a girl, it was just too much at that age," he told Complex. "But we were so in love. Nothing else mattered."
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IF YOU CATCH HIM IN A 'VERY AWKWARD POSITION WITH ANOTHER WOMAN'
Without naming any names or even giving us a real timeline to work with, in 2014 Real Housewives star Luann de Lesseps told New York Magazine about her most memorable breakup: "I caught my boyfriend in a very awkward position with another woman … you don’t know what that person looked like. I thought, Oh my God, all right, it’s time to move on. It actually catapulted me to move to New York."
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IF HE'S 'SO GOOD' AT CHEATING
After filing for divorce from Lamar Odom, the reality star candidly discussed his infidelity on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show. "He was so good. Nothing was on his cell phones, he had an assistant and they were all on his assistant’s phones so he was really crafty,” she told the host. "It’s disgusting, and I was pissed at the assistant. And all these rumors kept coming out in the weeklies, and as much as I know they’re bulls—, where there’s smoke there’s fire. Something has to be right here. But then this one girl did an interview and she was so adamant and when I confronted him, he blamed another teammate. This was when he was playing for the Clippers, his last season. Once I found out about all the cheating, I was very worried about STDs. I went and got checked. I’m clean, thank God."
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IF HE'S EXPECTING A BABY WITH HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND AND DOESN'T TELL YOU
The rapper let it all out when she took to Twitter to explain the reason she broke it off with former fiancé Nick Young. “I have never even been told by Nick that his baby mother is pregnant, so if this is true, I’m finding out via E! News,” she wrote, referencing reports that Young was expecting another child with his ex-girlfriend. “I broke up with Nick because I found out he had brought other women into our home while I was away and caught them on the security footage. This is just like a second shot to the chest. And I feel like I don’t even know who the hell it is I’ve been loving all this time.” In October, Young and Keonna Green welcomed their second child, daughter Navi Young. (The exes are already parents to 4-year-old son Nick Jr.)
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IF YOU'RE BETTER AS FRIENDS
After his 2010 breakup from Demi Lovato, Joe Jonas opened up about what it would be like to spend the next three months on tour together. (Lovato was opening for the Jonas Brothers during their tour.) "Demi [Lovato] has been a friend of mine for a long time,” the singer told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show. "I think that our friendship is so strong that it surpasses a lot of things and I think touring will be a lot of fun," he said.
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