Since its April 2004 release, “99 Problems,” Jay Z’s seminal rap anthem, has won a Grammy, ranked No. 2 on Rolling Stone‘s top 100 songs of the ’00s and has been covered by everyone from Courtney Love to Cookie Monster.
Jay Z even performed it at a 2012 rally for President Obama, changing the lyrics to “If you’re having world problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a Mitt ain’t one.”
In honor of the 10th anniversary of “99 Problems” on Sunday, here are some of the “problems” we imagine the rap superstar has experienced in recent years.
1. The hyphen in his name was keeping him back.
2. His Grammy didn’t actually work as a sippy cup for Blue – it was always spilling.
3. Those pesky vampire rumors.
4. Secretly jealous that Beyoncé has a Soundboardt and he doesn’t.
5. Hasn’t had Cap’n Crunch in too long.
6. No more double dates with Chris and Gwyneth.
7. Goop scooped Life + Times on opening of new luxury boutique.
8. Still hasn’t made a music video in space.
9. Not enough dates that contain the number 4.
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