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"I think it's important to realize that I was black before the election."
– President Barack Obama, finding humor in the suggestion that he's facing criticism because of his race, on The Late Show with David Letterman
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"I'm unemployed now, and I'd like to be on Mad Men. I also like The Office and 24."
– A sobbing Kristin Chenoweth, accepting an Emmy for best supporting actress in a comedy series for her canceled show, Pushing Daisies
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"If you're going to go, isn't that a great way to go – with a hot guy sucking on your neck?"
– Jennifer Love Hewitt, explaining her obsession with Twilight hottie Rob Pattinson, on The Ellen DeGeneres Show
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"We had choose Jewish or Mormon in our family, so obviously I was like, 'I'll take the dradle.'"
– Chelsea Handler, explaining her family dynamics on her talk show
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"I really am in love with my hose."
– Regis Philbin, on the breathing apparatus he uses to help his sleep apnea, on Live! With Regis and Kelly
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"I'd trade this to look like him."
– Alec Baldwin, accepting his best actor in a comedy series Emmy Award from the Rob Lowe
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"It's kinda our version of The Jay Leno Show, really – but we give more skin, less chin."
– Craig Ferguson, on CBS's various CSI spin-offs, on his late night show
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