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We Tried It: Teeth-Whitening, Sugar Hair Removal, Barre and Cellulite-Blasting to Get Red Carpet Ready

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For four weeks, PEOPLE reporter Maria Yagoda is committing her entire life to getting red carpet ready, using celeb-approved, beautifying tips and tricks, from extreme fitness classes to colon hydrotherapy to major diet changes. Here’s how week two went:

What Is It: 3D Teeth-Whitening, Sugar Hair Removal, FasciaBlaster (Cellulite Removal), Physique 57 Class, De-Stressing Trip to Puerto Rico. Continuing to avoid gluten and dairy.

Who Tried It: Maria Yagoda, PEOPLE Writer/Reporter

Level of Difficulty: 7. In order to execute this lifestyle, you must be able to quit your job and devote your whole life to this, abandoning most friendships and all passion projects unrelated to improving your body and face.

Last week, I started my month-long voyage to get red carpet ready, which began with forgoing gluten and dairy, two things that are basically like children to me. It was hard, but I noticed the results almost immediately: clearer skin, svelter physique and ruder personality.

For week two, I planned a de-stressing trip to Puerto Rico, but with my red carpet makeover still looming, I had to keep working on my body if I wanted to look like Blake Lively, the goal of all of this. (Anything less than Blake Lively would be intolerable.) So, I introduced four new beautifying activities into my lifestyle: 1) Using a FasciaBlaster on my body to minimize cellulite and general flab. 2) “Sugaring” to rid my super hairy body of hair. 3) Crest 3D Whitestrips with Light to whiten my latte-stained teeth. 4) Intense Physique 57 barre classes to strengthen my body.

GETTING RID OF CELLULITE

Cost: $89

Let’s start with the Ashley Black FasciaBlaster, a long, plastic, centipede-like device that you rub up and down areas of your body you want to tighten. (I packed it in my carry-on on the way to Puerto Rico, and security took it out and examined it for a full 10 minutes. I told them it was a sex toy, and they dropped it immediately.)

The device, which you rub up and down your body, claims to be “the ONLY tool on the market that opens the fascia at the deeper layers and breaks up fascial adhesions,” according to the FasciaBlaster website. Basically, it’s designed to remove cellulite and tone your body, but be warned — rubbing it on certain areas for 10 minutes at a time will probably cause redness and maybe bruising. After using for seven days straight — including during my Puerto Rico vacation — I didn’t notice any difference in my body. I will say it offered me the illusion of toned thighs, which is almost the same as having toned thighs. Weirdly, the daily blasting ritual gave me more confidence even though I couldn’t really see results. Does that make me gullible? Yes. Does that bother me? Nah.

I’m going to continue using it to see if I get any results.

WHITENING MY TEETH WITH CREST 3D WHITESTRIPS WITH LIGHT

Cost: $90

I’ve never been insecure about the color of my teeth, but once I started teeth-whitening, I thought, “Ughh I’m a monster for letting myself go like this; I literally have bright yellow teeth!!!” (I literally do not.) But still. Once you see how much better something can look, it’s hard to go back.

But the Crest 3D Whitestrips with Light regimen, which I did for 10 days, almost immediately brightened and whitened my teeth to a degree I hadn’t anticipated. Here’s how it works: You put the strips on your top teeth and your bottom teeth, then you let them sit there one-and-a-half episodes of Scandal. After the hour passes, you put the light on top of your teeth for a few more minutes, then when the light turns off, you can empty your mouth of the strips and device.

I noticed results after just one use. After five uses, my teeth were even more dramatically white.

It’s cool when things work!

SUGARING OFF MY BODY HAIR

Cost: $250 (full body with bikini)

Ninety-nine percent of my personality is having a huge amount of body hair. It’s just a fundamental part of who I am, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have to shave more often than most women all while still being the hairiest girl at school. It’s fine. I’m fine with it. Really.

When I heard about sugaring hair removal, and that it hurts far less than waxing, I had to try it. To prep for my red carpet gown reveal, I needed to be as hairless as possible. While I don’t buy into the whole “women have to be soft and hairless” societal norm, I knew I would feel sexier in my dress if my arms and legs weren’t covered in thick black hairs.

My experience at Sugaring NYC was a dream. Not only was the hair removal painless, I didn’t even cause or cry a scene, which is what I emotionally prepared for.

Below is a pic of my sugared arm (on left) next to my non-sugared arm (on right.) Notice there is zero irritation.

Since the sugar mixture they spread on you exfoliates your skin with all-natural ingredients, my post-sugared skin felt way softer than post-waxed or post-shaved skin.

A week later, none of the hairs have started growing back yet. That is unprecedented for me.

TAKING PHYSIQUE 57 BARRE CLASSES

Cost: $175 (for 8 classes)

Physique 57 is a celeb-loved, super-intensive barre class that has a reputation for being very difficult and very effective. As someone whose main form of exercise is walking on a treadmill in front of Keeping Up with the Kardashians a couple of times a week, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to finish an hour-long class, especially when weights, squatting, stretching and lifting were involved. I don’t think of myself as strong or flexible, and the word “barre” is scary to me because my body type screams “is not and never was a dancer.”

I signed up for a several classes so I could actually see results, and the classes were … even more brutal than I could ever have imagined. For the days following each class, I couldn’t even sit on the toilet without inadvertently whimpering. But feeling muscles in places that I, for years, thought were just fat deposits was the most gratifying thing ever. My arms ached. My stomach ached. My calves ached. My thighs ached. My butt ached. And I loved it.

And I felt myself becoming stronger and more toned after just four classes. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t fantasize about letting my body go lifeless and playing dead during each and every class. The instructors push you incredibly hard, but that feeling of having survived it, the minute class is over, made it all worth it.

Stay tuned for week three and Maria’s final day of carpet prep.