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Tara Fowler and Susan Keating
October 05, 2015 08:35 AM

The Umpqua Community College shooter claimed that he was hated from birth and that nothing could have been done to stop his deadly attack in a manifesto that was recovered from his computer, a source familiar with the investigation tells PEOPLE. (PEOPLE has not received a copy of this document nor confirmed its existence.)

In the reported manifesto, which is about six pages long, 26-year-old gunman Chris Harper Mercer allegedly writes, “I was hated ever since I arrived in the world. I was always under attack. I’ve always been the most hated person in the world. Ever since I arrived in the world.

“Some will say I had so much to live for, but I don’t think so.”

The source, who read portions of the alleged manifesto to PEOPLE, says the document chronicles the shooter’s life. “He goes through the list of what he doesn’t have,” the source says. “No job, no life, no success.”

Mercer, who killed nine people and injured nine more in Roseburg, Oregon, before taking his own life on Thursday, allegedly goes on to write that nothing could have prevented the shooting.

“He says, ‘Many will ask how can they have prevented this? You can’t. You could never give me what I wanted. Nothing could have stopped it,’ ” the source tells PEOPLE.

“He talks about other mass killers, and says, ‘These people were denied everything they deserved and wanted.’ ”

Mercer then purportedly expresses skepticism that anything could have turned his life around: “He asks, ‘What was supposed to happen? What great event was supposed to make me realize I had so much going for me?’ ” the source says.

Abandoned and alone, Mercer allegedly writes, “I’ve been forced to align myself with these demons and become one of them. At first, it was involuntary, but now I am aligned with them. I now serve. When I die I will become one of them.”

He adds: “My success in Hell is assured.”

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