The Bling Sling
Mariah Carey dons a bedazzled sling after dislocating her shoulder. Somewhere Lady Gaga’s 24-karat gold wheelchair is feeling frumpy.
Ryan Gosling pens a newspaper column arguing for the ethical treatment of Canadian pigs. A nation of swine swoons.
Dave Matthews hitches a ride from fan Emily Kraus to his own concert after his bike gets a flat. He thanks her with a super mellow 47-minute sax solo.
Pink says if she weren’t famous she’d “eat lots of cheesecake, ride my bike and give people the middle finger.” In other words, she’d be Lance Armstrong.
Up to Scratch
Adam Sandler gets attacked by a cheetah while on safari in Africa. Who knew they were screening Grown Ups 2 in the Kalahari?
Sharks Hit Your Plane
Sharknado momentarily resuscitates Tara Reid’s career, then gnashes its jaws and drags it back down to the watery depths.