People Staff
December 27, 2004 12:00 PM

BUZZ LIGHTFINGER

HUMAN IDENTITY

Ken Jennings

SUPERPOWER

Skull encases lump of gray matter teeming with abnormal amount of Jeopardy! trivia.

ARCHENEMY

The Stumper, able to quick-freeze him with one question out of a billion. (Human identity: Alex Trebek)

CAPTAIN HYPERBOLE

HUMAN IDENTITY

Donald Trump

SUPERPOWER

Amazing ability to spin everything he touches into the best—the classiest resort, the sexiest fiancée, the finest bottled water. Even turns what looks like defeat—casino bankruptcy—upside down: It’s good for the company!

SPECIAL DEVICE

Conspicuous comb-over hair (stiffness of strands suggests plutotitanium) deflects negative buzz.

BLONDERELLA

HUMAN IDENTITY

Paris Hilton

SUPERPOWER

Burning through guys faster than an X-Chick with laser vision while defying space and time to leap from party to party.

RUMOR

Mutant powers developed by prolonged proximity to enormous stacks of money.

THE TRANS-FATTERS

HUMAN IDENTITY

Renée Zellweger & George Clooney

SUPERPOWER

In the never-ending battle for truth, bigger roles and awards, can instantly morph into pudgy or skinny.

MYSTERY

Where do the pounds go? Secret theory: From one star to the other!

SUPERFRIEND OR FOE?

Kirstie Alley. Hard to tell.

MULTITASK MAN

HUMAN IDENTITY

Sean Combs

SUPERPOWER

Draws energy from his customized Facet Changer to transform himself in mere nanoseconds per photo op: designer, actor, hip-hop impresario and political sloganeer (“Vote or die!”).

ALTERNATE IDENTITIES

P. Diddy.” “Puff Daddy,” “Puffy”

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