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Rated Excellent!

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Secret crushes. Bathroom dramas. No, it’s not junior high school. Here’s what went down off-camera.

6:30 On the red carpet at L.A.’s Shrine Auditorium, Kirsten Dunst is introduced as “the lovely star of Superman.” “That’s Spider-Man, buddy,” she said.

6:32 Asked if he was nervous about his nomination for best onscreen team in Old School, Luke Wilson responds, “I’m nominated?”

7:20 Eve confesses, “I’m hoping to run into Josh Hartnett. Do you know if he has a girlfriend?” (He does: Ellen Fenster.)

8:47 “I made a fool of myself!” best kiss winner Dunst wails to Kelly Osbourne in the ladies’ room after a speech thanking beau Jake Gyllenhaal for her real-life best kiss.

9:07 Colin Farrell is halted in the greenroom by a security guard who doesn’t recognize him. He laughs it off.

9:39 Seann William Scott, taping the finale with Justin Timberlake, falls off his Segway Human Transporter twice. MTV retapes it with Scott on foot.

10:30 P. Diddy, Ashton Kutcher, Jamie Foxx and Heavy D enter Diddy’s postparty shouting, “Rat Pack! Rat Pack!”