Host, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
“Thank God my wife finds a sense of humor attractive, or else I’d be in trouble. She says that’s 98 percent of why she likes me; the other 2 percent is my handwriting.”
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NBC’s Parks and Recreation
“Dark chocolate, the [improv theater] Upright Citizens Brigade and cashmere make me happy—delicious, funny and comfortable, respectively! And my dad’s sincere enthusiasm for life makes me smile instantly.”
“Sometimes when I injure myself, I laugh uncontrollably. I know it’s a weird reaction. I can’t explain it. For example, the other day my daughter accidentally head-butted me right in the crotch bone, and I just kept laughing, thinking about how only parents, soccer goalies and giants have to worry about the head butt to the crotch.”
Saturday Night Live
“Humor is one of the sexiest qualities a person can have. There’s that phrase, ‘comedy crush,’ where you may not be that attracted to someone physically, but because of how funny they are, you have a little bit of a crush on them. Their humor makes them more attractive. Growing up, my crushes were John Ritter and John Cusack. And yeah, I have a comedy crush on Bill Murray.”
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Parks and Recreation
“The five things that make me laugh the hardest? Whoopee cushions, toupees on a windy day, toupees on a rainy day, pratfalls and Molière’s Tartuffe ou l’Imposteur.”
PORTIA DE ROSSI
Better Off Ted
“I honestly don’t know how to make Ellen laugh, but I end up doing it anyway. At least three, four times a day, she’ll just stop and laugh at me. I hope that’s a good thing. I always just put it down to the fact that I’m Australian and I speak funny.”
Age: 52, Coauthor, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
“Small kids are the funniest people to me, especially when they’re eating—like, when they miss their mouths, or discover flavors. And watching my kids grow is hysterical because I see myself so much. No matter how much I tell them what’s going to happen, they have to try it anyway!”
Age: 39, 17 Again and the upcoming Funny People
“What do I love about doing comedies? Just being surrounded by people who don’t take themselves so seriously. We’re not solving world hunger, you know? The thing that really doesn’t work is when there’s a guy who’s goofy and funny but also thinks he’s sexy. That just ruins it! Like Steve Carell; he’s super-sexy because he doesn’t know how good-looking he is. Cocky nerd is kind of fun—but sexy nerd is not!”
My Life as a Beauty
by CHELSEA HANDLER
Obviously, being on television every day requires me to maintain some level of physical decorum, which in turn requires me to exercise. There are few things I enjoy about exercise, and by few, I mean when it’s over. Working out is definitely not something I would be participating in if I was a librarian and/or my dream job, Carnival cruise director. I would much rather spend my free time watching the Animal Planet or Lifetime. So to ensure I get a good run in, I’ll drop myself off in a bad neighborhood and run home. I used to Rollerblade home, but that went out of style a couple of years ago for anyone who’s straight.
I have cellulite. I make sure there are no fluorescent lights at any beach that I go to, and if they cannot turn the lights off at the resort, then I wear my nude nylons, much like Kirstie Alley on Oprah. I’ve been to Hooters. I’ve seen what panty hose can conceal.
The one area I don’t have to worry about are the natural acrylic nails I was born with. French tips apparently run on the Mormon side of my family, so not only do I have a permanent French manicure, I have permanent acrylics that will always keep my memories of the Jersey shore at the forefront of my mind.
I try to always make sure that I am caring for myself in the same loving manner that I would care for a pet dolphin. I love homemade remedies. I exfoliate my face with a stale baguette or if it’s Shabbat, a bagel. My hair is damaged, dry and has low self-esteem. People have been recommending mayonnaise for years, but what’s missing from this equation is Grey Poupon. Whether you go with Dijon, country Dijon or deli is up to you and your astrologer. I use deli, because I’m half Jewish and have ties to the deli community. The combination of these two delicious condiments is good for a sandwich and a head of hair that you are trying to keep yellow. This is my life and I’m sorry you had to hear about it.
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