Lifetime (Sept. 9, 9 p.m. ET)
In her first major TV role in years, Oscar winner Kim Basinger plays a woman returning to her South Carolina island home to figure out what’s troubling her mother. The poor woman has deliberately amputated her finger. “She’s gone insane,” Basinger laments to an old friend. No, answers Friend, “she’s tormented.” Same goes for everyone in this over-the-top romance, which gets a special zing from mixing Catholic imagery with mystical musings about mermaids. Saints ‘n’ seaweed! When Basinger falls for a monk (Alex Carter), he embraces her and says, “We’ll be damned and saved, both.” Watching this enjoyable trash, you’ll feel the same.