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Picks and Pans Review: Monster in the Closet

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The minutes stretch out in front of you like eons. You begin to count backward from 25,000, desperate for ways to pass the time. You worry that you will fall asleep and leave yourself vulnerable to pocket picking. Such are the dreadful possibilities that await those who attend this film. It is not, as the title suggests, a parody about a gay werewolf. This is a routine monster movie with no wit, no imagination, no nothing. MTV veteran Bob Dahlin misdirected a. cast that includes Howard Duff, Donald Moffat and Stella Stevens, as well as attractive newcomers Donald Grant and Denise DuBarry. They all embarrassed themselves just by being associated with this movie. Let’s not make it worse for them by going to see it. (PG)