Love’s Labor Lost
In director Joan Darling’s original version of her treacly First Love, William (Carrie) Katt leaves the ending ambivalent by telling Susan Dey to think it over and come back if she decides to marry him. But in the three-Kleenex cut finally released by Paramount, Katt romantically kisses off Dey forever because her affair with an older man has “tainted” their relationship. Darling is still so outraged by the studio treatment that she’s turning down interviews about the movie and has refused to make the customary promo tour.
“I’m Jennifer O’Neill,” she breathed as the cameras rolled. “This Christmas, surprise the man in your life with something he’ll love you for…another woman!” Cut! Cut! The TV commercial crew broke up, while Jennifer smiled beatifically at her ad-lib. (She was supposed to have pitched “a gift from Hudson’s”—the Detroit department store.) O’Neill soon took her own version of that advice. Though sometime fiancé John Revson (of the cosmetics fortune) had chaperoned her to Iran in October to film Caravans with Anthony Quinn, the 29-year-old O’Neill surprised him by announcing her umpteenth engagement: this time to Halakoo Kashefi, 43, a millionaire Persian playboy. The union will give Jennifer nearly half as many marriages (four) as films.
His Royal Hickey
Regaling a Fleet Street banquet after his recent tour of the world’s kissable faces, England’s Prince Charles chortled that such amorous attentions “are inevitable. One must relax and enjoy oneself.” As for that T-shirted (and braless) “shop assistant” who bussed him full on the mouth at the Adelaide airport, Charles reported that his aide-de-vamp checked and—ods bodkins!—”discovered she is a part-time actress in blue movies. I don’t know whether it’s true,” he joked, “but I did come home with a virulent and intolerable disease.” (Actually, it was food poisoning, and the 28-year-old Aussie later protested that, while she poses nude for magazines, “I only do still work, nothing pornographic”)
Among other charges, nobody ever accused the CIA’s apparatchiks of having a sense of humor. But in revenge for CIA Director Stansfield Turner’s sacking of 820 employees, some spooks are circulating photocopies of a ditty lampooning Admiral Turner to the “polish-up-the-handle-of-the-big-front-door” tune from H.M.S. Pinafore. It goes:
Of intelligence I had so little grip
That they offered me the directorship.
With my brassbound head of oak so stout
I don’t have to know what it’s all about.
All together now, chorus!
Keep your minds a perfect blank and remain at sea
And you all will be Directors of the Agency.
•It was the first name that mattered. But trivia experts know that the middle initial in “Elvis A. Presley” stands for “Aron.” Or does it? Some years back Elvis mentioned to his father, Vernon, that the name always had been misspelled. Vernon remembered. Elvis’ new tombstone at Graceland forever corrects his middle name to “Aaron.”
•Though she’s anted up $400,000 personally, balletomane Joanne Woodward knows that Dennis Wayne’s fledgling Dancers company can’t survive by her bread alone. So while she was in Chicago, someone suggested she buttonhole Ray Kroc, head of the McDonald’s burger chain. “If he gave enough support,” sighed Joanne, cognizant that Medici are medium-rare these days, “we’d rename the troupe ‘McDancers.’ ”
•One of the blackjack tables at Nassau’s posh Paradise Island casino was attracting a crowd of gawkers. There, in sneakers, jacket and open shirt with frayed collar, was Ringo Starr, looking as if he could use a few million quid from a Beatles reunion. So will they go back into business together? “We can’t,” answered Ringo. “They wouldn’t want to pay me gambling debts.” After dropping $15, Ringo quit for the night.
•At the touring Treasures of Tutankhamun exhibit in New Orleans, torch-rocker Linda Ronstadt stopped short in front of a gilded statuette of Selket, a goddess whose outstretched arms protect King Tut’s remains. “Just look at her,” gasped Ronstadt, 31. “That pose just tells men to stay away.” Then, after a stagy pause, she cracked, “I could use that with my drummer.”