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THE SORROW AND THE SELF-PITY: As he kicked off his first solo tour of Britain, Policeman Sting made a plea for sympathy during an interview in London. “Life has been very weird for the past eight years,” he lamented. “I went from being a teacher in a mining town to being a famous person. I tried drugs; I tried having sex with every woman who came into the room—all that stuff—and none of it seemed to satisfy me. I’ve manufactured crises to feel alive and creative. There’s nothing worse than everything going well.”

CITIZEN KENNEDY: Now that he’s pulled his hat out of the 1988 presidential ring, Ted Kennedy will almost certainly run for another term in the Senate. But if he dropped out of politics, how would he occupy his time? “We’ve talked about that,” says Kennedy’s favorite speech writer, Bob Shrum. “Believe me, he doesn’t plan on vegetating. He talked about buying a newspaper. He can afford one, and he was very enthusiastic about running one. He wouldn’t have to take up a boring law practice like some other Senators.”

HE HAD A CONSERVATIVE BUDGET: Charlton Heston says he was hoodwinked into emceeing the dinner last month that marked the 30th anniversary of William F. Buckley’s National Review. “Buckley called and asked me what I thought about our national freedom,” says Heston. “I thought he was going to quote me in the magazine, so I said, ‘The thing about America I hold most dear is free speech.’ Buckley replied, ‘That’s wonderful, Chuck. We’d like you to come East and make one.’ ”

PLANNED PARENTHOOD: Disco diva Grace Jones is denying rumors that she’s pregnant by live-in hunk Dolph Lundgren—or anyone else. Jones, known for her skintight fashions and rail-like figure, says, “If I had a baby squeezed inside one of my outfits, he’d probably choke to death.” The singer recalls that similar stories once circulated about her friend Jessica Lange. “Jessica told me she was rumored to be pregnant two years before she actually conceived,” laughs Jones. “So I guess the truth is I am expecting—in 1988.”

MR. GRANGER, I HAVE DYNASTY ON THE LINE: Stewart Granger, a leading man in the ’40s and ’50s, admits that he can be “too outspoken” and proved the point in an interview with London’s Sunday Express. Discussing roles on nighttime soaps, Granger, whose last film was The Wild Geese in 1978, said, “They never offer them to stars. They go to supporting actors like John Forsythe, who then become stars. I mean, take Joan Collins. She’s common. She can’t act—yet she’s the hottest female property around. If that doesn’t tell you something about the state of our industry, what does? You either find yourself with trumped-up nobodies or has-beens.” Granger, who lives in Santa Monica, added that he just spent $25,000 getting his teeth capped. “So now it’s just a matter of waiting for the phone to ring.”

ESPECIALLY WHEN SOMEONE PAGED HER: Richard Moll, the 6’8″ actor who plays Bull on Night Court, tools around in a commodious 1963 Cadillac Coupe de Ville. “It’s a wonderful car for someone my size,” Moll told a Toronto columnist, “but some people find it a bit much. A date once told me that she felt as if she was sitting in a hotel lobby. I guess she couldn’t get used to the echo.”

A MAN OF A FEW TOO MANY WORDS: While shopping in his Brooklyn neighborhood, F. Murray Abraham was approached by the manager of an appliance store. “Say, I know you!” said the man. “You’re that guy who was in Amadeus!” Although Abraham won the 1985 Best Actor Oscar, he isn’t often recognized, so he proudly admitted he was that guy. “I gotta tell you,” said the beaming manager, “you were absolutely superfluous!”